Isan's Journal

 With weary hands, I write this down With a shaky breath, I cry my heart out To say I'm in pain is an understatement But to explain an ever more extensive assignment If at any moment, my heart fails me Do not a thing, but leave me be You may not know, but sleep is a hefty task But I don't expect you to, its quite an intruding ask On this occasion, I will let it be known My subconscious is not my own To their accord do the demons sew Back to my mind, I am afraid to go Between us shall this secret be Until the demons rest, will I sleep

If I remember all the good things, would they come back? And if I dwell on my bad past, would it change? If I scream in a vacuum, would I be heard? Or if I cry in a bathroom, would it drain? If I wish upon a star. would it be granted? Or in a well like those that tread the earth years before? Are the feet of bunnies really lucky? Or the shells that are found on the seashore? If I told you a secret, would you keep it? Hold it dearly to your heart until your grave? Would you spread it around like a town-crier? Or keep it to yourself, come what may? When the sun goes down, will you be there? Keep me safe from all that's lurking in the darkness? Will you shield me from all the horrors of the world? Or leave me to drown in the nothingness?

 It's not easy trying to be sane, to watch and sit still When you know that deep within, your lungs are begging for a scream All so you can fit into the society, the same one that neglects you So you begin to wonder if there is any point to continue "Be yourself" That's the saying, right? So what's wrong in doing that And giving your personality a spot in the light The more you hide in the box, the more the cracks come Just add one more insecurity to that and it will breakout like a storm You're beginning to understand Not all doors can be walked through And starting to neglect one fact; They won't accept you

 Once again, sitting alone in the shadows Running through all the tribulations  The name-calling and finger-pointing All the uncomfortable situations Being trapped while hoping for a rescue Hiding the pain is making it more unbearable  Feeling un-beautiful beside peers With self-confidence left almost unrepairable  Trying desperately hard to fit in with friends  Did things they did to be 'interesting' Replaced true personality for acceptance  Got left with lonely nights spent pillow-crying Just wanted to climb up the hierarchy  But got left with less of my mind All hope is lost to find a soft space to land Praying it won't be too late while running out of time