Isan's Journal

Can time just halt here I don't want this moment to end Can the minute just be stagnant Like a never ending trend These are the moments I will never think of letting go And these are the days I wish were like a bottomless hole The time will wait While we continue onwards I don't want this to pass by But I am no coward So, let us gather our priceless possessions And hold onto them tightly  Let us know our paths And trad very lightly Our future is right here In our hands is the key The time draws near It is no longer a beseech Everything comes down to this It's all we've ever wanted It is all and all for now 

 History repeats itself  Dead black bodies everywhere They hunt us down like we're animals While we are left with nothing but to cower in fear  The pain and suffering our ancestors went through  The blood they shed for our freedom Will they make it all in vain? Or we will rise to put together our nation?  The course of history is changing Strong black people roam the land We are fighting to get what we have asked for nicely before And by whatever means necessary, we will take it by hand Feeding off the scraps they leave us is no longer an option We are fighting so our children will not have to We kneel so our generation can rise No matter what it takes, we will do. ✊✊🏽✊🏿

 Love An action and a feeling I don't understand it Still trying to learn its meaning  I've seen people kill for it, die for it Say its what they live for But what if the feelings aren't reciprocated?  What if you're left empty at the door? Of what point will it be? You could kill or you could die But it won't matter if they don't feel the same Or would you say 'it was worth the try'? Why have sleepless nights for them? Why go through extreme measures and pain Why reject everything and everyone  Only to be the one crying in the rain

 My mind Is it my safe space or am I in bondage?  Do my thoughts save me or take me in deeper? Are they helping or putting me in more danger? If I had the choice to leave, would I take it? Will I sit here and drown myself in sorrow? Remember all the hurtful words and bitter actions? Open up my wounds and pour the salt in  Or will I take my chance of survival? Is salvation still possible or is it a dream? Can I still get it? Am I too late?

 Never been so numb, never been this weak All my emotions are locked up But I don't know where I left the key Maybe that's why I can't feel a thing I left myself there, at least I think I did Or did she leave  Is that the reason I'm lost Or was that something that's been there for years My hands are trembling but there's nothing that's scary Maybe the void is Just left laying here, not a thought in mind Just me and the abyss

 I've self-sabotaged I had friends, at least I thought I did  We talked, we joked, we gossiped  Everything was exactly as it seemed No intrusive thoughts  The picture looked so clear through my clouded eyes I had nothing to worry about  It was safe to depend on others It felt nice until didn't  A crack came up It didn't seem like it could do any harm So, I overlooked it A stain smudged my white dress No one will notice if I just covered it up So I hid it "Should you be doing that?" There it is again, the voice But it had a different tone Mistakes never did so much damage Everything would be on the right track if I just repaint the lanes I can't go back to when I didn't have this I need to preserve it The glass case I protected them in shattered So, I got q drape to cover them "You don't realise, do you?" I don't have time for you, voice My white dress became unrecognisable with all the stains on it So, I just got a new one "You'l...

 What we had a few months ago What we talked about for How we laughed and played together Just drifted away like the waters You changed my life without even trying Then walked out one second without caring My gullible heart was left out there in the open Begging for someone to give it an aim My predictable self, left hiding in the comfort of my sorrows Looking for the one that will bring back the flame